You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
the day after is always just damage control
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize