i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
