ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
