you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
