I'll bet she douches with gravy.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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