Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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