You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
