Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
