But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
