Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
