And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
