i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
