It's Friday. Sex?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
