There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
