Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Send help, water and tortillas.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
