and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
