i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
