What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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