Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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