I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
