My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
