youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
