You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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