there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
