my mouth tastes like poor choices
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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