i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
