It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
