I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
