I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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