I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I have tasted many bathrooms
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize