Sry I called you an 8
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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