if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
