I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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