I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
