its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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