I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
