i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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