Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
