Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
