Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
please come you make the beer taste better
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
