There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
