When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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