I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
