Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
