she woke up with a sticky ear
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
