Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize