So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
