So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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