I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
