so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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