y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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