this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
