Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I just found puke in my bra..
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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