Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize