There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
