Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
