She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
