The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize