You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i was born a porn star she said
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
MIDGETS
????
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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