You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize