I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
