Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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