he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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