He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
