Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Randomize
