You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
