i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
