just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
