I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
