I'm really into asian looking animals
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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