i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize