My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
