Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
