i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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