Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
