I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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