dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
