He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
