A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize