The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
im six kinds of drunk right now
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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