i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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