Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
