I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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