who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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