I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
