Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
