It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
