I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
