Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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