I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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