my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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