I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
