My first STD was from a foam party
i already hear my dad disowning me
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
