it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
