There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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