i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
