remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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