So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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