you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
