Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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