I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize