areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
