sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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