I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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