Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
