he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
